Our First Night

The best way to tell any story is to start at the beginning so here we go.

I left work one night in July with the worst stomach pain I have ever had. I went home to try to relax. Nothing was working. I wasn’t nauseous just in pain. I knew something was wrong. Was it my appendix? Was it my gallbladder? Am I just constipated? My mom came home, took my temperature and we were off to the ER. Nothing could prepare me for what I was about to learn.

Three hours. We sat in that waiting room for three hours and I was seen for less than ten minutes. Three hours and all it took was a urine sample. I spoke with nurses told them my symptoms and peed in a cup. Three hours of sitting there questioning what a cup already knew. I finally got called back and a new nurse asked when my last menstrual was. I couldn’t even answer before she pulled out a little stick, looked me in the eyes and said “ma’am you’re pregnant.”

I was shaken to the core. I was definitely not prepared for that. Appendix or gallbladder maybe even just a stomach bug, but pregnant! I immediately burst into tears. There was no way. It wasn’t possible. While the nurse went to take another, the doctor offered to do an ultrasound.

There it was. There she was. I was pregnant. Not only was I pregnant, but I was four months pregnant. Four months! I was four months pregnant and I had no idea. I went on with my day for four months and suspected nothing. That was honestly the hardest part of it all. Well the hardest part at that time.

I still haven’t stopped crying at this point and the thought of having to tell my parents, especially my mother, was not stopping the tears. I was still crying when the doctor escorted me back to the waiting room to face my biggest fear…telling my very catholic mother that her single daughter got knocked up.

She knew. The second I walked out there she knew. All she said was “you have to tell your father.” It wasn’t until we got back to the car when I saw my mother do something I’ve never seen her do. My mother sat in her car and cried with me. We didn’t really have moments like that while I was growing up it was nice. I still felt like a huge disappointment but it was nice.

My father was already in bed, but he woke up as soon as we came home. He knew in my mother’s tone what was wrong. He came downstairs, hugged me and said “you can’t keep that baby, seriously consider adoption.”

I stayed up all night with you sunshine. We watched trash reality tv, ate ice cream and fell down the google wormhole. I wasn’t sure what the next months had in store for us sunshine, but I knew I wasn’t ready for any of it. I knew for certain I would not terminate. I saw you. I saw you there, sunshine up on that ultrasound monitor.

What was I gonna do? Shit I have to tell your father. Oh shit I have to tell your father. I knew instantly who it was, but I also knew I didn’t want to tell him. I’ll save that for another night.

Goodnight Sunshine. 💜

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